Improving Integrity in Daily Speech: Day 1

How we speak about others is often more important than how we speak to them.  This is almost certainly the case if there is a difference between the two.  

If you find yourself saying one thing to a person, but different things when they are not present, this is very-likely an area where you can make improvement.  

In this series, we will post quick daily lessons from the book Chofetz Chaim - A Lesson a Day, by Michael Rothschild.  This book offers daily lessons in how to guard your tongue from "forbidden speech". 

While this is a Jewish source, it is really for all humans from all walks of life and belief systems.  The
book consists of short lessons laid out according to the calendar (the Hebrew calendar, that is), but here we will just present them in order without regard to today's date.

The Title "Chofetz Chaim" (One who desires life), comes from Psalm 34:12-14:

I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Who is the man who desires life ("Chafetz Chaim"), who loves days to see goodness? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceitfully."

These are my summaries and commentaries on the daily lessons from A Lesson A Day, by Day 1: Definition of loshon hara (evil speech). Information that is either derogatory or potentially harmful to another individual. A derogatory statement is LH even if it doesn't cause harm to the subject. Focusing on one's faults is wrong. A statement that could potentially harm (physically, financially, or psychologically) is loshon hara, even if the statement is positive. Loshon Hara refers to true statements that are negative or damaging. False statements that negative are called hotzaas shem ra (slander).

It is very easy to justify negative comments made about someone because they happen to be true.  This almost always the justification for gossip.  Even positive things such as compliments or news items about people that are generally thought to be positive things can bring harm to your subject.  

One of the most profound aspects of this Psalm and the book based on it is the connection between one's desire for life and the act of controlling of the tongue to avoid harming others. 

Of course, this is a life-long, continual improvement system.  Some people do not struggle with gossip, and others can't think of what else there might be to talk about if it weren't for talking about others.  Most of us do this without even realizing that we are bringing harm to others or are even doing it with good intentions.  

With daily practice, we can bring more self-awareness to our own use of words and how they affect others.  With a little work and tips from this series you can bring about improvements to how you interact with people and improve all of your relationships with them.